Colleen Curran '11

June 14, 2011

So it begins…

Well, as soon as my time at Holy Cross has finished, my time at Oxford is beginning. At the beginning of last week, I received an e-mail from the Faculty of English at Oxford University to let me know that they have received my final Holy Cross transcript.

Then I also found out that I received a scholarship from Oxford University. Only eight of these scholarships are given out per year, and they are awarded to the best incoming student per faculty. Um. Thanks, English department at Holy Cross (and the many other professors who helped me achieve this!).

Lastly, I was elected as the Treasurer for Oxford University’s Dancesport Club. So, it seems that my life in Oxford is really beginning without me even being physically present. Well, here we go – the adventure starts now!

June 9, 2011

Reflections from a Holy Cross Grad

As I sit here at a Starbucks in Georgia, I am loath to apply the term “alumna” to myself. I like living in a state of denial. I like to fool myself that everything will resume, and I’ll be moving back in to Holy Cross in August. I’ll pack up all of my stuff into my family’s SUV and we’ll make the drive up the East Coast. They’ll drop me off at the end of August, and I’ll be there for Kimball Week; I’ll help at the Mass of the Holy Spirit, and I’ll take four classes and even write a thesis again. I’ll be at the first ballroom dance lesson of the year, and I’ll help train the new liturgical ministers. I’ll go out to O’Connor’s with Jake, Jordie, Chris, and Bill, and Carrie, Margaret, and I will go out to Sweet. Culpepper’s will only be a short walk from my spacious single dorm room in Healy. But there’s this voice in my head that keeps on reminding me that I won’t be back there as a student. It’s difficult to really let that fact sink in. As if to hurry the realization process along, I received an e-mail from Oxford yesterday stating that all of my documents have been received (i.e., my final transcript from Holy Cross and proof of my graduation), and I am now officially an Oxford student. My time at Holy Cross might be finished, but my experience certainly isn’t.

This was the first photo ever taken of me at Holy Cross. The short hair, the disheveled room, and the tears. Okay, those tears were just for the camera, but the tears that night were real. Like I’ve said before, I didn’t know what to expect from Holy Cross. I knew it was a fantastic school, and I heard nothing but excellent reviews of the Jesuit education. I remember walking on campus for the first time and just feeling that it was the right place, but nothing could have prepared me for the growth that I would experience over the next four years. But that was just a feeling – I still didn’t know what my Holy Cross experience would be like. I had snippets through Summer Gateways and Freshmen Orientation, but I remember still being hesitant in my first few weeks of freshman year. I won’t lie – the transition from high school to college was, at times, difficult for me. I couldn’t just go home for the weekends if I wanted to hang out with my high school friends. I was adjusting to college life at a school where I didn’t know anyone, and there were times that I wished I would’ve gone to school with my high school friends or my sister. That isn’t to say that people weren’t welcoming – quite the contrary is true, really – but I still just didn’t know why a Jesuit, undergraduate, liberal arts institution was for me. The one class in that first semester that really cemented my understanding of the Jesuit, undergraduate, liberal arts experience was my FYP class – Freedom and Nature with Professor Kee (he shows up a lot in my life at Holy Cross). I remember walking out of our class one day and just realizing that this was the place for me – the combination of philosophy, literature, and theology that Professor Kee was teaching in our class was exactly what I wanted from my college experience. I remember actually calling my parents after that class and just telling them, “Holy Cross really is the place for me.”

Now, looking back, I couldn’t imagine myself being at any other school for four years. At our Freshman convocation, Dean Freeman encouraged all of us to enjoy and savor college like a meal – to appreciate the finest and sweetest parts as well as the unexpected hiccups and bitterness that might occur. All of it, he reminded us, was part of the experience. In my four years, I guess that I tried to take his advice as best as I could. When I entered Holy Cross, I had a “clear” vision of what I wanted from my education – I wanted to be an English major and then go off to law school. But the point of any education – Holy Cross or otherwise – is not what you want from it, but what it gives you. I left Holy Cross as a passionate ballroom dancer, a Medieval Studies scholar, and an Oxford-bound future academic, and my freshman year self had no intention of becoming any of those. To describe my experience at Holy Cross as “formative” would be quite an understatement. Over the course of my four years, I met professors who said single lines in class or in office hours that forever changed my path. Professors Kee, Mulrooney, Oser, Matlak, Morse, and Ireland displayed to me a depth of passion for literature that has inspired my own road. Professor DiCenso (an HC alum and Cambridge-Gates scholar) served as one of my greatest influences to accept Oxford’s offer. Professor Perry served as my role model (and still does, to this day). Professor Murphy encouraged me to apply what I learned in his Biblical Studies classes and apply them to my own faith, which only deepened and matured as a result. I took classes that challenged my previously held world views and challenged me to think substantially. Who knew that Professor Mulrooney’s Tolkien seminar in my sophomore year would change the way that I encounter literature? Of course, that experience was only aided by his course on Contemporary Literary Theory, which has affected how I will analyze and write about literature. I met Jesuits who wouldn’t accept a simple “God loves me” as an answer. Fr. Brooks challenged every notion that I held about Christ in his Contemporary Christology course, and my Catholic faith has only grown as a result. Fr. Harman helped me explore the tougher questions that I was facing at the beginning of my second semester of senior year during the Spiritual Exercises. The homilies that I encountered at Mass were more dense than a philosophy lecture. But the professors, deans, and Jesuits were never distant – they were always there with their office doors propped open. I mean, at what other college could you get photos like these?

Fr. Brooks

Fr. McFarland

At what other college would the President and the Class Dean know nearly every detail of almost every student’s life? The community at Holy Cross is just such an extraordinary experience in of itself. The friends that I made along the way were always there to help me with these questions or classes, or were just there to have a laugh with me on the weekends. And let’s not even forget all of the other opportunities that I encountered along the way – my Study Abroad experience was extraordinary (even those late nights I spent writing those tutorial papers), and encouraged me to apply to Oxford for graduate school. Back in freshman year, that seemed like such a far-fetched dream, but now I’m gathering all of my materials for my UK Visa application. Ballroom dance was another opportunity – I never thought that I’d spend my senior year Thanksgiving break in England competing for a national ballroom title, and actually winning second place. My time at Holy Cross has been instrumental, formative, and, most importantly, enjoyable.

So, looking back, I know that Holy Cross was the place for me for the past four years. But one of the most beautiful things about Holy Cross is that we can’t stick around – every year, we have to say good-bye. We can’t stay at Holy Cross Law School or Holy Cross Business School. We’ve all had four years, and we can’t linger around Hogan anymore. It’s time to go. My time at Holy Cross was incredible, but I know that I can’t be within the idyllic gates forever – how un-Jesuit would that be? The mission of the Jesuit education is to spread the talents that our professors, deans, faculty, and friends have helped us whittle for the past four years. It’s up to us to discover how we can be men and women for others using these talents, and the first step is to go beyond those gorgeous gates.

Holy Cross will always be my academic home, no matter where this journey takes me.

June 4, 2011

Thy Purple Banner Floats on High: Graduation Part 4

After getting about thirty minutes of sleep and rushing off to Culpepper’s at 8:15 a.m., I dashed off to the maintenance building for our 9:15 a.m. line up.

As I gathered my cap, gown, stoles, cords, and pins, I couldn’t believe that I was actually graduating. I was just concerned about being there on time and making sure that my hood laid flat instead of making me look like a nun. As I ran down to line up, I ran into several friends along the way.

Katie…I think you’re missing something…

We all lined up behind Kimball – all 694 of us – in alphabetical order. The Honors students walked first, so I was sixth to graduate. Sorry about that, family.

And then, after we had all lined up (only one senior showed up late, if you can believe it), we started to move toward Fitton Field.

That’s a lot of students.

We waited for a bit, and then we were told to move. The faculty flanked our entrance, and they started cheering for us as we walked through. Professors Manoussakis, Mulrooney, Matlak, Perry, and Oser cheered for me as I walked by. Then, before we all knew it, “Pomp and Circumstance” started playing, and Dean Freeman led our class in to Fitton Field.

That’s a lot of people.

As we walked in, the crowd started cheering for us. None of us had any idea where our parents were, so we all just started randomly waving. I felt like the Queen of England or something since I was just randomly waving. We all found our seats (I was Row 1, Seat 6), and then the faculty proceeded in after the students. As he was walking to his seat, Professor Mulrooney hugged me. That’s when the tears started. The ceremony really began when the Holy Cross red-tailed hawks (unprovoked) soared over Fitton Field. It was actually an awesome way to begin the ceremony. Then, Dean Austin read the degree in Latin (WOO HOO!), and before any of us knew it, our row was being ushered to the stage. I didn’t even have time to register what was going on. Then, Dean Freeman shook my hand, Dean Austin read my name and my honors, and Fr. McFarland handed me my diploma.

I won’t lie. I really only posted this photo because I love my shoes.

When I sat back down, I just thought to myself, “Wow. It’s really over?” I suddenly had my diploma – purple bow and all – in my hands, and I was officially an alumna. After all of the graduates walked, 694 purple and white balloons were released.

In addition to the balloons, the trucks passing by on 290 honked as they made the curve around Fitton Field. Then, my very good friend, Miriam, gave our valediction address. Her speech was honest, and yet optimistic. All of us came to Holy Cross with ideas of who we would become, and, despite our best intentions, we’re leaving as completely different individuals, but it’s for the better. She mentioned Dean Freeman’s first address to our class regarding The Omnivore’s Dilemma and how college should be enjoyed like a meal – taste all of the ingredients, recognize the work that went into the meal, and savor all of the experiences – everything from the bitter, the sweet, the sour, and the salty. Then Marilynne Robinson gave our commencement address. The English department was so excited to have her as our speaker. She opened with some unconventional words – she reassured us that the world we’re entering is, in fact, a wonderful place, and that the talents that Holy Cross has sharpened can only make it a better place. Her speech is available on the Commencement website, if any of you are interested. And then, like that, we received our final blessing, and we processed out. The walk from Fitton to Kimball was such a surreal experience. We all looked at each other and asked, “Did that actually just happen?” We had all waited for this day (well, maybe our parents did), and it just didn’t seem possible that we had graduated.

There was a gathering in the Kimball quad after graduation, and we all scrambled to find each other, professors, and our family. I will admit – I found my family and professors, but not as many of my friends as I wanted. We all took photos, said our congratulations to each other, and then ran around trying to find other people.

In case you’re wondering, the yellow stole is for the Honors Program, the red and black cords are for Sigma Tau Delta (the English Honors Society), the white hood is for my degree in the Humanities, the medal is for the Magis program, the circle pin is for being a Dana Scholar, and the other pin is for Phi Beta Kappa. The lemonade is there because I was parched.

I was able to say good-bye (more like thank you) to Professor Perry. Everyone jokes that I will become Professor Perry some day.

My family and I then had a party at O’Connor’s, an Irish pub about twenty minutes from campus. My family came from all over the US to see me graduate, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled. I don’t mean to get mushy, but my graduation is really thanks to them and the sacrifices that they’ve made. Paul, my Magis chaplain, and Professor Kee also made it, and some of my friends, Jake, Jordie, and Chris also attended. I think I spent my time talking with Professor Kee than speaking with my family. Whoops. But we had a great conversation. I was fine throughout all of it, but then Paul and Professor Kee said good-bye. That was the moment that I realized I wouldn’t have any more meetings with Paul. I couldn’t barge into his office and just talk about theology with him (theoretically, I can, but it’s different). I won’t be able to go into Professor Kee’s room and just talk about Julian or Flannery. That’s when I really understood that my time at Holy Cross was over. Then Jake, Jordie, and Chris said good-bye. The twins gave me a tea canister filled with Irish Breakfast tea (my favorite) and a copy of Julian of Norwich in modern English, since I only have her work in Middle English. These three boys are like my brothers, and saying good-bye to them was so difficult. I ended up crying in the middle of the restaurant (dramatic, right?). I knew saying good-bye to the people that made my life at Holy Cross so wonderful would be difficult, but I had no idea.

Yup, I look like a crying hot mess.

My family started to disperse at that point, and we needed to return to Holy Cross to pick up the last few bags in my dorm room. As we packed my last bags into the car, I looked out over my beloved campus. It just seemed unreal that I was no longer a student here. My time here had been so formative, and all of the memories flooded back into my mind. And just like that, we piled into the car with all of my stuff, and headed off to our hotel.

June 3, 2011

The Last Night: Graduation Part 3

After the Baccalaureate Mass, my family and I went out to dinner at the Flying Rhino (one of my personal favorites. Try the everything Tuna. It’s delicious, especially if you like sashimi!). But, before that, I had my sister take one very special photo for me.

This is where I was when I found out that I got into Oxford. I received the e-mail on my BlackBerry, and I was too nervous to open it. Cecilia, my ballroom co-chair, made me open it. I read the first line: “Dear Ms. Curran: I am delighted…” I didn’t read anything else. I just started jumping up and down. So, even though it was in the Science Complex, that particular spot is very special for me.

Anyway, we went out to the Flying Rhino.

Two girls attending private liberal arts colleges mean my father only has a couple of tens in his wallet now.

After the festivities there, Mom, Dad, Caitie, and I proceeded to the Baccalaureate Ball, which was held in Kimball. Quite frankly, you’d never know that it was the same dining hall in which I worked. It was absolutely gorgeous.

Sorry about the flash. Disposable cameras aren’t the best of quality, but they are fun when you get them developed!

Everyone enjoyed the night of food and dancing. Then, at midnight, our parents left, and the seniors enjoyed our last night on campus. That last night was weird. We all knew it was our last night on the hill, but no one wanted to explicitly say so. So, instead, we all just reminisced about the past four years and enjoyed each others’ company.

We didn’t sleep at all that night. Well, maybe a few of us (yours truly) crashed for thirty minutes or so. But none of us were tired. Frankly, none of wanted that night to end. We all knew that the next day would require us to say good-bye, and no one wanted to do that.

June 2, 2011

Lift High the Cross: Graduation Part 2

After all of Wednesday’s events, I started Thursday morning quite early (well, for a college kid) by heading down to Culpepper’s. Culpepper’s is a small bakery right around the corner (well, it’s a bit of a walk, but incredibly worth it). I won’t lie – I had breakfast at Culpepper’s every single morning in the week leading up to graduation.

Seriously. If you’re ever in the Worcester area, just try their iced coffee and blueberry scones. I didn’t like iced coffee before I tried it at Culpepper’s. It’s magical.

I love that sign.

My day began so early because I had to help out setting up for the Baccalaureate Mass. I was fine in the morning – to me, it was just any other Mass. But when I started packing again (aaaah packing), I realized that this was my last Mass as a student on the Hill. I’ve been so involved in campus ministry since day one, and it just didn’t seem real.

The Mass itself was beautiful. We had wonderful weather, and everything went so smoothly.

The Baccalaureate Mass is kind of an inversion of the Mass of the Holy Spirit. It’s held in the same location (up at the Hart Center Lawn). While the Mass of the Holy Spirit ends with Lift High the Cross, the Baccalaureate Mass begins with it. It’s a way of reminding us that this is the culmination of our time at Holy Cross.

We use the same style of procession – faculty, student ministers, and all the Jesuits process in amid colorful banners. This time, the seniors process in before the faculty and sit together as a class instead of at the Mass of the Holy Spirit, where we sat with our families.

I served as a Liturgical Coordinator along with Bill, Kevin, Jake, John, and Jordie. Some people asked me why I wanted to serve instead of enjoying my last Mass at Holy Cross. Honestly, it would’ve felt weird to not participate.

I was also honored when Paul asked me to serve as a lector at the final Mass. This is how I really became involved in Liturgical Ministry, so, again, it just felt right. And, please don’t mind my sunglasses. It was really sunny, and my mother is still upset at me for wearing them while reading.

It honestly didn’t hit me until after Communion. At the Mass of the Holy Spirit, our parents bless us. At Baccalaureate Mass, we turn around and bless our parents as a way to thank them for the past four years. I started crying when we blessed Fr. McFarland, though. Since we’re Fr. McFarland’s last graduating class, we thought it was fitting to bless him at the Mass. Well, he started crying, and we all started crying. I think it says a lot about a man when nearly 700 seniors start crying on his account – the man, the Jesuit, the President. Fr. McFarland has done so much for our beloved college, and it doesn’t seem real that he’s leaving.

And then, like that, the Mass was over.

As you all know, Liturgical Ministry has been a big part of my life at Holy Cross. I just couldn’t believe that it was over so quickly. Even Fr. Vodoklys, my Latin professor from Freshman and Sophomore years, asked me what I was going to do without Liturgical Ministry. I plan to be involved with the Catholic Chaplaincy next year at Oxford, but the community at Holy Cross was something very special. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but it’s going to be very difficult to replace that group.

June 1, 2011

“Did That Really Just Happen?”: Graduation, Part 1

I am now safely back in Georgia, and all of my photos have been developed (disposable cameras are going to make a come back, I’m telling you!). The past week has been a whirlwind. One day, I was turning in my last paper, and the next, I graduated. So, let’s go back to last Tuesday/Wednesday, when graduation events really started.

Margaret and I have wanted to host a croquet party for quite some time. And Tuesday was the perfect weather, so we took advantaged of it. Frank, Brian, Professor Cass, Bill, and Margaret all played, while I watched (sports and I don’t get along).

While they were all playing, I took some time to take some photos of my beloved campus.

Wednesday was when all of the real graduation events started. My parents and my grandmother came to campus for my induction into Phi Beta Kappa, which is probably the most prestigious academic honor society in the nation, and my dinner with the Magis Program.

Bill and I look sooooo thrilled.

Signing the record. I’m officially a member!

After the induction ceremony, we headed off to the Magis Dinner. The Magis Program basically identifies those students who show potential to be leaders in the Church – whatever role that may be. We’re required to do a certain number of activities, such as being involved in SPUD and serving in liturgical ministry. On Wednesday night, each of the Magis seniors were asked to give a brief description of their faith journey at Holy Cross, how the Magis program has helped, and what we plan to do with the lessons learned here. I was seated with Paul Melley (my chaplain), Dean Freeman, and Dean Frijie. Wow. I don’t think that I’ve ever laughed that much. After giving our speeches, our chaplains then gave us our Magis Medals. In addition to the Honors program, I think that the Magis Program is probably the best decision that I made at Holy Cross. One of the unique aspects of the program is that you’re assigned a chaplain – Paul Melley in my case – and you meet with the Chaplain at least once every other week (if you’re abroad like I was, then you e-mail. A lot). Your chaplain gets to witness your spiritual development, and he/she can guide you in certain directions. I always loved my meetings with Paul, whether I cried, laughed, or talked during them. What’s also great about the program is that the Chaplains guide you for your life after Holy Cross – I thought that the program was only for those entertaining thoughts about JVC or Americorps, but that’s not the case at all. Amongst the 11 graduating Magis Seniors, one is going to med school, another is going into medical research, several are going off to JVC or other service outlets, one is going to Turkey on a Fulbright, and I’m going to Oxford. It’s such a diverse group, and I’m not sure if I would’ve been friends with these people had it not been for the Magis program.

Paul handing me my medal.