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Changes In the Plan

Well, after about two months of not blogging for Holy Cross, I’m back with some pretty big and exciting news. Next year, I had planned on taking a year off from academics and working in England, which would give me some time and money to prepare for commencing my PhD next year in 2014.

Well, I found out last week that I was successful in my application for a fully funded PhD scholarship at King’s College London, which was my dream school due to my ideal advisor being there. The scholarship application just opened in June, and I was lucky enough to find out during my family vacation on Cape Cod. The scholarship is the first that King’s has given out, and it’s good for all three years of my PhD (yeah, getting a project done in three years. Welcome to higher education in the UK!). My project will focus on 10th century Anglo-Saxon manuscripts, specifically how the construction and layout of the Anglo-Saxon manuscripts works within the matrix of manuscripts imported from the Continent. In reality, the project emerged from the research that I started for Professor Perry’s seminar paper on the Libri Carolini (nearly four years ago now), and some of those questions that I encountered with that research just still keep on popping up even in my research now.

I’m extremely shocked (yet grateful) that I won the scholarship. Had you told me when I first arrived at Holy Cross nearly six years ago next month (uhm…what?) that I’d be pursuing a PhD in medieval manuscripts, I would have laughed. Yes, I came to Holy Cross with an interest in literature, but it was really at Holy Cross that I was able to discover this passion and then meet so many people along the way who continue to inspire and encourage me.

So, if you need to find me in the next three years, odds are that I’m in some library looking at 10th century manuscripts. After that, you’ll be able to find me as Dr. Curran…which is a really scary thought.
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Alpha Iota Sigma

Tonight, I had the pleasure of skyping in to the first Alpha Iota Sigma Honors Society Induction Ceremony to give a speech about the honors society. If you remember, this was a joint pet project for both Prof. Matlak and myself during my senior year, and it has finally come to fruition. (Skyping in was a touch weird, but it did work out).

It is incredible to know that this project finally became a reality, and that future interdisciplinary students can now benefit from such an honors society. But the entire honors ceremony took me back to where I was just a few years ago, when I submitted my application to CISS for my Medieval Studies second major. I didn’t really think that I’d be sitting here in Oxford pursuing a Masters degree just a few short years later. When people ask me about my experience with CISS and how I came to find the program, they typically think that I came into Holy Cross with the idea of making my own major from the get-go. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just happened to take so many courses in the medieval period, and I fell in love with the themes that I found there. And the rest is truly history.

I guess now is a good time to announce that I will be staying in Oxford next year to begin my DPhil research. I do plan on coming back to the States one day, I swear! But for now, I’m staying here to complete the manuscript projects that I’ve begun (and, maaaaybe do some dancing on the side). So, here’s to the late nights, the dissertation crises, and the many, many manuscripts that I will look at over the next three to four years.
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Homesickness

I debated about writing this entry for a while. For the past five years (nearly six this September!), I’ve attempted to keep my personal life out of this blog. You all are here to see what an experience at Holy Cross is like, not to hear me complain about the small things in my life. However, I think that this post is appropriate since it addresses a critical element of the Study Abroad experience – homesickness.

During my year abroad and this past year, a lot of people asked me if I ever got homesick. And sure, there were days that I wanted to be home – Thanksgiving, my family’s birthdays, random days that I had nothing in my pantry and I needed a quick dinner. But I didn’t spend the first few weeks pining for my family – I was happy to be abroad. Just see how I skipped to the plane to London after Christmas Break (my mom still gets upset at me about that one). I’ve never really been ‘homesick’, I guess. Maybe that’s because I’m as happy as a clam with my life in Oxford. Sure, there are times that it’s tough – I wish I could see my Holy Cross friends more often, I wish that I could just take a two hour flight home, I wish I could be there for every big moment in all of my family members’ lives.

But I think the first time that I experienced true homesickness was this summer, specifically at the end of July, when my grandfather passed away. I was lucky enough that my I was able to see him just a few days before he passed away, since I was in Boston for a week in mid-July. When I was there, he was enthusiastic about my studies at Oxford and kept asking questions about my manuscripts and what I plan to do with this degree. I really do cherish those conversations, since we both knew that was probably going to be the last time that I saw him. He knew it, I knew it – but neither of us addressed it openly. Instead, he made sure that I knew he was proud of what I was doing, and that he knew why I had to be away in Oxford and contactable primarily only through letters (Papa wasn’t always great on the phone, especially if you interrupted his naps!).

So, when everything happened in the last week of July, I just sat in Oxford, helpless. It was the first time that I regretted my decision to live in Oxford. Literally, the only thing that I could do was go to Mass. It was tough to know that I would miss the wake and funeral of the man that I admired so much, the man who really first introduced me to the Jesuits (my grandfather went to BC in the early fifties). But, again, he knew why I was here instead of there, and he supported me chasing my dreams. A few other things have happened in the family since then, and it’s tough to just watch everything from afar and be of no help. During times like these, the study abroad experience gets tough. I’ve felt extremely selfish – I’ve been playing with manuscripts and researching in pubs whilst my family is burying my grandfather and another family member is battling cancer. But, I’m extremely lucky in that all of my family and friends know that it’s vital for me to be at Oxford – they might not know exactly what I do, but they still know it’s important to be here. I just keep coming back to one sentence that my grandfather said during my brief visit. ‘I don’t really know what you do, Colleen,’ he started, ‘but your eyes light up whenever you talk about it.’ And that’s really what gets me through the periods of homesickness.
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One Year

May 27, 2011. When I first arrived at Holy Cross on August 24, 2007, that date seemed so far away. In my mind, graduation would never arrive – four years seemed like an eternity at that time, and leaving the idyllic gates didn’t seem possible. Now it’s May 27, 2012, and I’ve been an alumna for a year. All of it seems a bit unreal. It seems like it couldn’t have been a year ago when I walked down to Fitton Field in my graduation gear, when I walked across the stage, when I said good-bye to friends and Holy Cross. Okay, I might be being a bit dramatic, but it really doesn’t seem real.

Graduation itself was a wonderful day – to be able to celebrate all of our four years with friends and family was an incredible experience. The day itself was nostalgic and anxious – we were all excited about what the future held for us all (and still does hold), but we were all worried about leaving Holy Cross, saying goodbye to the friends and professors that we met, not living in such close proximity to such wonderful people, trying to find jobs, and learning how to live on our own (I am still working on the last one). We knew that there would be no more Sunday brunches with Kimball waffles, Thursday nights at Blackstone Tap, or daily emails from every single department about the events that they were putting on that day. I remember walking around Holy Cross the night before Graduation and just thinking, ‘This can’t be over.’

Although we were all anxious about leaving the immediate Holy Cross community, I think we’ve all learned something in just a year after our graduation. The alumni network is, perhaps, even stronger than the community that we knew at Holy Cross. Yes, our time at Holy Cross is over – it has been for a while. But the experience is still growing. Walking across that stage was merely a step. Looking back through all of my photos from Holy Cross (well over five thousand, and I’m not exaggerating), I can associate at least one funny story with every single photo. The time that we stole trays from Kimball and went sledding. The time that Mass wasn’t set up at all so Jordie and I had to shout out the readings so people could hear us. The time that we painted ourselves purple for Homecoming against Harvard. The time that we slept outside right before graduation. The time that we took the midnight train back from Boston because we couldn’t remember what time the bus back to Holy Cross came. I sit here now just thankful for all of the memories that I have from Holy Cross and the wonderful people that I met along the way. My freshman year roommate and several of the girls that I met on my first Kimball shift are my best friends. I still keep in touch and use my professors as resources, including the late Prof. Murphy’s book on Apocalypticism. One of the main reasons why I’m in Oxford today is because of the Study Abroad department at Holy Cross. Every day is a constant reminder of how my experience at Holy Cross shaped me into who I am today.

Logging into Facebook brought back so many of those anxious memories, since that’s the day that the Class of 2012 graduated. I remember being at the Mass of the Holy Spirit for the Class of 2012; their graduation (and still mine) seemed so far away. So, to the Class of 2012: after being an alumna for a year, I can tell you that you will miss the Hill. There will be times that you want to go back and re-live all of your four years. You’ll miss your friends living so close to you, Sis saying your name when she swipes you in at Kimball, and, yes, all of those daily emails. But, in my experience, you’re truly never far from a Crusader or reliving your Crusader memories. Congratulations to you all, and good luck with your future endeavors.
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Why I Love Holy Cross

If you haven’t seen this video, you should check it out. It highlights some of the most beloved places on campus with the Crusader mascot dancing with dancing volunteers. It also features my Magis Chaplain, Paul Melley, at 0:46 and the Ballroom Dance Team. But that’s just a side note.

Watching the video and reading all of the Twitter updates from this weekend’s Accepted Student Day brought me back to my own Accepted Student Day back in April of 2007 (I know; I’m such an old fart). At the time, I was still deciding between colleges, and I wasn’t sure if Holy Cross was the place for me yet. I remember when my mom picked me up after spending the weekend at Holy Cross, where I experienced classes, Mass, and the infamous Chicken Parm at Kimball (fun fact: Since it was such terrible weather, I also witnessed the little river that occurs on the side steps of Dinand whenever it pours. Check it out sometime). Mom asked me how my weekend was, and I just responded, ‘Can we send in my deposit now?’ By the Tuesday of that week, I was officially a Crusader of the Class of 2011, and I was absolutely smitten with the College. At that time, I couldn’t fathom being finished with Holy Cross. And yet, here I am, sitting at my laptop in Oxford and taking a break from my dissertation and grant applications. 5 years ago, I was that high school senior who got lost on campus and thought that Holy Cross was so enormous (my friends who went to UGA and Alabama laugh at me when I tell them that). Time really does fly, doesn’t it?

Now, nearly every day, my friends from the Class of 2012 will let me know how they’re feeling about graduating in a mere month. I can’t believe that I was preparing to graduate nearly a year ago. It just seems unreal. Like I was feeling, my friends are sad to leave Holy Cross since it is such a wonderful place. All of them have remarked on the same idea – four years really goes by far too quickly.

I could sit here and wax poetic about why I personally love Holy Cross. But, frankly, if you’ve ever read this blog, I think that’s fairly self explanatory. I love Holy Cross (perhaps obsessed is the best word). I love everything that the College gave to me in my four years there, and continues to give me right now. The friends I made, the professors I met, the life changing experiences that I had on the Hill – everything just adds up to the many reasons why I love Holy Cross.

So, to the Accepted Class of 2016 (I think I just gained a wrinkle after writing that) – enjoy it all. Enjoy the late nights that you spend writing papers; go to all of the sport events that you can. Listen to the Jesuits’ homilies, and go to Culpeppers’ with your friends as many times as possible (once again, Culpeppers has no idea who I am and they do not pay me to advertise. I am just a huge fan). Claim your study spot in Dinand. Find a place on campus and take a photo of that exact spot every single year. You’ll be amazed at how much you grow and change within just four years. For example…

2007

2011

So, take the advice that Dean Freeman gave to my class when we celebrated our commencement – Savor everything as if college were a meal. I wish you all the best of luck.
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Crusader Reunion

After a relaxing three weeks in America, I’m back in England. I arrived about a week and a half ago, and there was luckily no snow (please compare this advantageous effect to my last arrival in England in January 2010. Not a pretty sight). Classes and lectures began on Monday, but prior to that, I had a Crusader visitor:

One of my best friends from Holy Cross, Bill, arrived last Friday. Bill is currently living in Turkey as a Fullbright English Teaching Assistant at Canakkale University. This was the first time that Bill and I had seen each other since Graduation in May, nearly eight months ago.

I showed Bill around London – Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, Tower of London, Piccadilly Circus, the British Museum, Buckingham Palace, etc.

Of course, his five day visit included visiting some of Oxford’s finest pubs for dinner. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t think I want to eat bangers and mash ever again in my life. His five day visit flew by, unfortunately.

Since I no longer have a visitor, I’m back to my studying, dancing, and tea-consuming intensive life-style. This term is going to be the most busy – my workload has literally quadrupled, and I have a dance competition every weekend starting February 4th through March 5th. One entire month of fake tan = a very unnaturally orange Colleen. Although there’s a lot of work ahead, I’m really excited about what I’m studying this term. My Paleography class continues to be my favorite, and I’m working with a new manuscript every single week (as in, actually touching said manuscript). In 8th week, I have a Paleography exam, in which I have to identify a manuscript’s hand (script) and date based upon either linguistic features or just the handwriting. I also have to write a Paleography essay – right now, I just cannot decide on a topic. I’m currently leaning toward the re-writing of Old English in the early Middle English period, but we’ll see how long it takes me to change my mind…five times. For my elective course, I’m taking Middle English Literary Language, which is fascinating. I’m personally interested in the transitional period between Old and Middle English, particularly as displayed in post-Conquest Old English manuscripts. This course has been an immersion into dialects, vocabulary, lexicon, etc., but it’s also been intriguing. And, of course, the dissertation is always on the back burner. I’m working on the interrelationship between word and image in the Junius manuscript, particularly if there’s any Carolingian influence. That’s not due until June 11th, but my advisor told me that I should be finished with my first draft by the start of Trinity term. Erm. Hello, libraries.

In other really exciting news, I’m spending Easter in Vercelli, Italy, as a funded researcher at the Archivo Capitalore. I’m really excited since I’ll be able to work with their collection of Old English manuscripts. One of my primary interests is the transmission and reception of Old English manuscripts (secular or religious) on the Continent, so this is really the starting point of my dissertation research for next year (yes, I have to write two dissertations). So, in addition to brushing up on my Old English and Norse, it looks like I’ll have to learn a bit of Italian.
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Reality Sinks In

Today is the first day of classes at Holy Cross, and my Facebook seems to be divided. My friends from the Classes of 2012 and below are writing statuses about their excitement about a new school year to begin. My friends from the Class of 2011, however, are singing a different tune in their statuses.

“I can’t believe I won’t be there!” “I moved into the Apartments a year ago. Time flew.” “I never said good-bye to Sis (one of the cashiers at Kimball).”

I won’t lie – it is kind of sad to sit here and remember all of the excitement at the beginning of last year. At that time, none of us knew what we would be doing after graduation (well, for the majority of us). Now reality is really beginning to settle in. Most of my friends have started their jobs, moved into their respective graduate schools, or shipped off to foreign countries for their teaching assistantships. I only have 20 days left in America before I ship off to England. It’s weird to be packing up my duffle rather than running around the Bookstore and running into friends in Hogan. It’s weird to not have participated in Kimball Week or Mass of the Holy Spirit this year. But, I had four years of all of those experiences (well, technically three, I guess). And as much as I love and miss Holy Cross, I’m really excited about the next few steps in my life.

Oh, and I’ll be visiting Holy Cross in less than two weeks, so maybe that’s helping my separation anxiety.
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One Month

In exactly one month, I’ll be flying over to London to begin my two year stay at Oxford. No, it hasn’t sunk in yet. Ironically enough, one of my best British friends, Yszi, is visiting at the moment.

Yszi and me

I guess her presence is tuning my ear for the British accents I’ll be hearing shortly. It’s been so much fun having her on this side of the pond – she can’t get over the size of our roads, how much sugar is in American Coke (nearly 3 times that of British Coke), and how awesome our customer service is.

Last night at dinner at one of our favorite restaurants (how’d you guess it’s an Irish pub?), somehow the conversation turned toward how moving me in Freshman year was such a hassle and how miserable I was on that day/night. To any incoming freshmen who read this blog – beware. It is one of the most tiring days (emotionally and physically) that you will experience. I remember that my emotions ranged from being absolutely thrilled and then quickly to absolutely horrified. As we inched closer toward Holy Cross, I suddenly realized that I didn’t know anyone at this school, that I was nearly two thousand miles away from home, and my parents and sister were leaving me that night. Since we arrived at Holy Cross late (as in, at 2:30 p.m. and we had to be at Mass for 4:00 p.m.), my room was barely set up – Mom had unpacked my clothes and Dad had set up my desk area, but we didn’t have a chance to make any Target runs. Meanwhile, Carrie’s side of the room looked amazing – she had even been to the bookstore a few times. I, however, didn’t even have my Holy Cross ID. Dad and Caitie went to Mass to save seats, and Mom and I headed off to Public Safety to pick up my ID. Then we hiked back up the Hill to catch the last half of Mass…and then Paul Covino said those words that I was dreading. “Parents, go home. Students, please process to the soccer field.” My parents quickly said good-bye to me since they had to make a mile to move my sister into Colgate. I inevitably burst into tears. That night, I hung out with Carrie and went to our Orientation activities with her, but I remember returning to the room and just feeling crushed. It was such an exhausting day.

Things started to get better automatically, though. The next day, I attended Orientation activities, and I figured out how to call for cabs and get myself to Target and the grocery store. I met more people through my Orientation activities, and Carrie and I had most of our meals together in those first few days. I also had my interview for the blogging position on that Wednesday, which was also the first day of classes. Things just started clicking, and I suddenly started feeling so much more relaxed. As each day progressed, I fell more in love with Holy Cross, and between the professors, my friends, my classes, and the general atmosphere, Holy Cross became my home.

Now let’s fast forward a few years, shall we? Specifically to Graduation Day, when I was crying because I didn’t want to leave Holy Cross. Quite the change from Freshman Move in Day 2007, isn’t it? So to the incoming Class of 2015  – August 27th might be the worst day of your life. But I can almost guarantee you that it gets better nearly instantaneously the next day. So hang in there, and remember to get there before 2:30 p.m.
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Once a Crusader, Always a Crusader

About two days ago, I received my huge course booklet from the English Faculty at Oxford. The first two terms of my first year are taught courses, and my third term involves a dissertation. Then in my second year, I’ll write another (i.e. bigger) dissertation. For the first two terms, I have two required courses – one is an introduction to studying Medieval Literature at the graduate level, and the other is on paleography and textual criticism. The general Medieval Literature course alternates between Old and Middle English works, so I’ll have a fair amount of exposure to both traditions. We’ll explore key themes like the medieval concept of orality and written works, authorship and what it means to revise a text, etc. We’ll explore literature ranging from the Exter Book Riddles to Bede to Ancrene Wisse. In my paleography course, we’ll learn how to identify specific English scribes based upon their handwriting. We’ll be able to tell in what year and where (approximately, at least) they’re writing based upon the fashions in their scripts. Most importantly, we’ll be able to look at manuscripts (either the originals or fascimilies) and transcribe the documents.

I get to choose my third course, and the options are overwhelming (in a good way!). For the first term (Michaelmas), I could choose Memories of Conversion in Old English and Old Norse, Middle English Arthurian Texts, Imagining the Polity in England 1377 to 1422, or Older Scots Literature. For the second term (Hilary), I could choose Early Middle English Devotional Writing for Women, Old Norse Literature, Heroic Poetry in Old Norse and Old English, or the Language of Middle English Literature. As I was reading through my options, I realized that I needed help in choosing. So, I asked Professor Kee for his recommendations. He gave me some great advice for my future career as a medievalist, and also reminded me that the best way to handle graduate school is to just follow my heart. So, I will be taking Memories of Conversion in Old English and Old Norse (this was what I wanted to write my senior thesis on before I found the Julian/Flannery topic) in the first term and the Language of Middle English Literature in the second term. Bring on the reading lists!
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A Year Ago Today…

A year ago, I returned from England and was preparing for my final year at Holy Cross.

Today, I am knee deep in my UK Visa application, transferring my doctor and dental records, and backing up all of my files while I wait for my new laptop to arrive. It’s amazing how fast a year goes by. One day, everyone is moving into the Senior Apartments (or a single in Healy) and proclaiming that Senior year is going to be the best year in college. The next day, it’s Graduation. It’s exciting to log into Facebook or to receive an e-mail and see what my friends are doing now. Carrie is packing and preparing to move to England (see you soon!). Margaret is moving into William and Mary for Law school today. Bill is almost finished with his internship in Philly and will be leaving for Turkey in a month. Colin leaves for France at the end of the month. Grant accepted a job in L.A. Sarah is working for a political think tank. Miriam moves to India in a few weeks. Frank is finished with his pre-law school courses in D.C., and heads off to Villanova law tomorrow. Jess has moved into her apartment in Philly and begins Vet School in a week. Tom is preparing to move to Germany at the end of the month. And I am watching reruns of Stephen Fry’s show QI to work on my British accent. Just kidding about the last one.

Well, maybe.

Although it’s sad that we’re not together, it’s still exciting to see all of my friends growing up. We’re buying cars, renting apartments, having interviews with prospective employers, and trying to be grown ups. Emphasis on the “trying” part of that sentence, since I still wear my Tinkerbell pajama pants.